Just A Little Case of The Holiday Blues
“I’m not looking for pity or reassurance or for sympathy. I’m just stating a fact.
Most days I am quite fine with it. But we all have days where life is just not quite what you thought it would be or should be.
As humans, we long for connection. We were not meant to go it alone. We need that feeling of belonging. We all have connections with others; our family, our kids or our friends. But that connection with someone special is just different.
I have lots of people in my life that love me. I am, indeed, a very lucky person. But some days—sigh—well some days I long for more.
Some days being single sucks. For all the practical reasons and then there are the other reasons, like:
No quiet touch from a lover.
No gentle brush of a body as we pass in the hall.
No “I’m just thinking of you” texts throughout the day.
No walking through the door at the end of the day knowing that there is someone there that has got your back.
No one to sigh gently at when asked about your day.
No one to give you that hug that says “I’m here” when it feels like the whole world has walked out on you.
No one to curl up to and warm that cold ass on in the bed.
No one to reach out to, in the middle of the night when you wake up with a start
So yes, some—not all, but some days—being single sucks.”
As the upcoming holidays approach so does the lonely realization that once again you will be celebrating some of the most festive times of the year as a single in your coupled world. Truth be told: Yes, it does suck. This marks year three to be a “party of one” as we roll I into the season of festive cheer. Actually in truth, you could say year four because the last year I was in a relationship it was far lonelier than any year single, even sitting next to one another. Which is far worse than having to show up at a party less a ‘plus one’, I will add.
I am blessed with lots of people in my life that love me beyond measure: a circle of friends, that not only rival most, they are also an extension of my family, a potential one and a slew of colorful acquaintances and colleagues. Still, technically I am single at the time of the year that one wants to be sharing time with someone special.
I miss dinner parties followed by coffee & cuddles by the fire after the last guest has said goodbye. I miss glances across the room at holiday parties and smiles meant just for you. I miss those 3am magical talks than turn to laughing till tears roll and bellies hurt. I miss decorating a real tree and wrapping presents over shared stories of childhood memories. I miss stolen kisses under the mistletoe and a million other things that sharing the holidays with someone brings. Yes, I miss it at other times of the year but during the holidays it is amplified. So I find myself in this season with a case of the holiday blues. I am lonesome for touch and companionship… Lonely is different from alone.
Alone I can do. I have mastered it and actually enjoy it, most of the time. My “Me” time is where I recharge. It’s where I don’t have to do anything or be anywhere except in the moment of self- love and contemplation. I have become the expert “table for one” diner, the perfect companion to myself, the happy “one” at the party of “twos”, the mysterious redhead in the corner busy writing while everyone around is trying to guess her story. Alone time is the perfect time reconnect to you. I recommend it to everyone! For if you get that time then you have so much more to bring to the table in your world of relationships.
Lonely is different… It cloaks you like a scratchy blanket that you can’t seem to get rid of, even when you think you have mastered the escape. You fill your days with work and the day to day mundane. Then your evenings contently binge watching Netflix and consuming glasses of wine or socializing with friends. All goes along full of smiles, laughter, love and light… not a single thought of blueness but lurking in the corner it waits and one night you wake up startled and reach for the comfort of arms that will wrap around you to let you know you not alone and that full size bed seems like it goes on endlessly. Where you walk into a party with no “plus one” and for a moment you think everyone is looking at you with pity, not that they really are but a second you feel like the whole world’s eyes are on your solo entrance. Those nights that you are so full of conversation but there’s no one to share it with or bounce creative ideas off of and laugh with when your perfect soufflé is major flop. Or the stroke of midnight ringing in a New Year and in a sea of sweetheart kisses you duck your head for a moment. All this and a hundred other moments where lonely shines like the scarlet letter.
There are far worse things and the loneliness will give way to sunshine and smiles but yes, for the moments that you are shrouded in that scratchy blanket that reminds you that there is no one waiting to greet you when you walk in door after a “work day from hell”, reminding you that the day is done and you are safe in the arms of someone who reminds you that you are special, can bring a blue feeling. Take a bit and remember that even though miles may separate there is someone that you share trust, honesty, laughter and love in the ups and downs that life will always throw our way and let that shine a bright light. Maybe they are in a crowd of people feeling blue too, and the thought of you and your bright love and light brings a smile to their day and warms their soul. Life has hard moments and valleys to walk through but having someone that has your back during those times, someone that will go in after you when you lose your way and someone you can stand on the mountain with afterwards and admire the view... Someone to celebrate YOU in all your imperfect glory! Priceless they are!
When the “holiday blues” come to your door remember they will pass and that there’s someone out there that cherishes you being in their life even if they are miles away and it will help you sweep those blues out the door and find some festive cheer to paint the holiday season bright. That as you close the door to this year and step through the portal to a new, clean canvas to paint that the new year holds infinite possibilities.
Happy Holidays and Don’t Let The Blues Bug Get You, Lovepies!!
